Is it strange to want to save on your ceremony and use that money for an amazing honeymoon? Is it even more strange to feel that way when you are obsessed with weddings? I met my husband while an undergraduate and he was an active duty Air Force officer. Just months into our relationship, he moved across the country and for the next five years, we were long distance. Few of our friends and family understood why we bothered. A select few voiced their disapproval and discomfort–my partner was 14 years my senior and, sit down for this one, a different race and religion. We persisted. On March 6, 2012, he proposed in Washington, D.C. on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial where Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his historic, “I Have A Dream” speech. It was perfect. My “yes” was immediate and resounding. I wanted to marry this man—I did not particularly want a wedding. I did not want to deal with whether or not to invite family who were reluctantly supportive. I didn’t want to deal with choosing whether we should get married somewhere close to his family, or mine. I didn’t want to deal with myself as a bride. I had a general self-awareness of my personality, but did not have the vocabulary or tools to fully understand how it would impact my wedding. As it turns out, my basic personality type is Type One: Reformer. I am principled and purposeful, and under stress, I can be self-righteous and condemnatory towards others. In short, a huge party for which I was 100% responsible could have been a recipe for disaster. However, being a Reformer also means that I’m hopeful and that I have a deep sense of purpose. What better way to prove all the naysayers wrong than to not consider them at all? We opted for a wedding with 60 of our closest, most supportive friends and relatives—that list quickly grew to 110. And to avoid any fear of becoming my worst self, I hired a wedding planner.
No matter the circumstances, your wedding will be one of the most important days of your life. Not because it’s your biggest achievement, but because it’s one of few things that shines light on our personality and values. With a long list of choices and selections, how you choose to tell your love story on your wedding day says a lot about you. The first step to staying true to yourself is being able to understand who you are. That’s where the Enneagram map comes in. According to the Enneagram Institute, the Enneagram is a 3 x 3 arrangement of nine personality types in three Centers. There are three types in the Instinctive Center, three in the Feeling Center, and three in the Thinking Center, as shown below. Each Center consists of three personality types that have in common the assets and liabilities of that Center.
Type One: The Reformer is principled, purposeful, self-controlled, and perfectionistic.
Type Two: The Helper is generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing, and possessive.
Type Three: The Achiever is adaptable, excelling, driven, and image-conscious.
Type Four: The Individualist is expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental.
Type Five: The Investigator is perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated.
Type Six: The Loyalist is engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious.
Type Seven: The Inthusiast is spontaneous, versatile, acquisitive, and scattered.
Type Eight: The Challenger is self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.
Type Nine: The Peacemaker is receptive, reassuring, complacent, and resigned.
Not sure where you fall, complete this basic questionnaire to find out: https://tests.enneagraminstitute.com/ .